The Emotional Burden HR Carries

The Commercialization of Human Feeling

I previously wrote about the feminization of the workplace, and the more I analyze workplace issues, the more convinced I become that the increased presence of women in the workforce has led to some negative consequences. Everything has its pros and cons so don’t come after me. Read here:

https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/infantilization-andor-feminisation-workforce-szilvia-olah-qbilf/

I can’t stand constant complaining, moaning, and whining—especially from HR professionals on LinkedIn lamenting that “Nobody understands what HR does,” “HR is here for everyone,” or “HR listens to everyone’s problems.”

This time, the last one caught my attention. I realized I’ve never heard a male HR professional say this—only female. It made me wonder: Is HR complaining about something that comes naturally to them—listening and empathy? Could it be that this very trait, often considered feminine, is at the core of HR’s struggle?

Listening and empathy are naturally feminine qualities, and women tend to embody them with ease. Even when we’re not exceptional at them, we’re still generally better at them than most men. It’s in our nature—we are wired to nurture and care.

All those posts are cringe at best! Seriously, how often are we really dealing with emotionally heavy employee stories? A few times a month? We can handle that—it’s part of the job, and there’s no need to make a spectacle out of it. And how often are we making truly difficult decisions? Not that often. So no, HR does not require specialized mental health interventions (yes, I’ve actually seen posts suggesting this).

We don’t need to pretend we’re psychologists or therapists—because we’re not. HR is supposed to be a hardcore business function, yet it’s been turned into a vague, feel-good mishmash of absolutely nothing. We build Lego towers, play games, do yoga, preach about healthy eating and exercise, remind people to sleep eight hours, buy doughnuts on Fridays, and listen to employees’ personal problems—all while the fundamentals of the department are in complete disarray.

HR, you are not the mother of the workforce! If you have unfulfilled maternal instincts, adopt a pet. The workplace is not the place to satisfy them.

But let’s flip this conversation around—because while HR is busy lamenting its emotional burden, I wonder if they even realize the emotional labor they impose on the workforce.

I’ve always said that the employee engagement narrative is what burned people out. We sold employees the idea that they must love the company, feel a deep sense of belonging, and be emotionally engaged to perform at their best and be considered great employees. What a lie!

So employees started thinking, “I’m doing a good job, but I don’t feel any of that.” In response, they worked harder, put in longer hours, hoping that the engagement, love, and belonging would eventually follow. But what actually followed? Burnout.

Sociologist Arlie Hochschild was the first to define emotional labor as the act of displaying certain emotions to meet job requirements—essentially faking them if they don’t come naturally. According to Hochschild, emotional labor is the management of human emotions performed in exchange for pay and as a condition of employment. Isn’t what the workplace is asking employees to do? To perform and constantly manage emotions?

In her book The Managed Heart: Commercialization of Human Feeling, she explains that emotional labor is about trying to feel the "right" emotions for the job. Examples include a flight attendant creating a calm atmosphere, a secretary maintaining a cheerful office, a waiter ensuring a pleasant dining experience, or a funeral director making the bereaved feel understood.

Now, add to this the behavioral competencies HR has introduced. The result? Employees are in a constant state of faking—who they are, how they feel, and what they enjoy. And heaven forbid the real you comes out—if you dare express your disinterest in their Lego-building activities, you’ll be labeled as negative, not a fun person, or not a team player. You may even end up in HR for a “chat” who will tell you that they would like to see you smile. Yes, I have witnessed that conversation before.

So no, HR doesn’t get to cry about the emotional burden they carry when the emotional burden we place on employees is far greater—turning everyone into this carefully curated, inauthentic version of themselves.

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